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Wednesday, May 8, 2013

butt in the chair vs hand in the air?

time out vs. spankings

 oh how this choice decides exactly what type of parent you are, at least in today's society that it is.

you spank your kid your a horrible person. your setting your kid up for failure, and its emotional abuse or some crap like that. many say that it makes children become violent, and they are more likely to be abusive adults. the Department of Children Services is required by law to do a thorough investigation if any call of child abuse comes in. that means if someone sees you yell, spank, ignore, or discipline your child in anyway there will be a case put upon you.

however, timeout is the much better option? i was in a psychology class 1 day and my teacher started on her lecture on child development, it went something like this... studies show that putting your child in time out teaches discipline. putting a child in an isolated area with nothing to do but stare at a wall is better then the alternative which would be hitting them. as early as the age of 1 years old you are supposed to sit them in a chair and have them "think about what they have done wrong". oh, and if they get up time starts over and you place them right back in their chair.

I am all for time out i am. i mean when its not your child what else can you do with them? i have a two year old son, and let me tell you he is stuuuuuburn!!!!!! i don't have them time nor the patience to continue putting this child back in time out after a 2 min timeout has gone on for 45 min of me starting over i have had enough. i also don't agree with the whole putting him in a room for 2 min in silence, how is this not how emotional abuse starts?

a school in Florida has decided to bring back "paddling" with the consent of the parent of course. i agree with this motion. lets be honest, with all these violent video games, movies, technology and the social/music media in today's day in age children are out of control! all because they know their "bad behavior is going to consist of sitting in a room for a couple minutes. I work in a childcare environment and honestly i fear for our children's future. all because we are scared to spank our children (I'm not talking about beating just a spank) due to so many reprocutions!In California, Democratic assemblywoman Sally Lieber has introduced a bill that would outlawed spankings under age 4. If the bill becomes law, anyone caught doing so could be charged with a misdemeanor punishable by a year in jail or a fine of up to $1,000, making California the first state with such a law!!!!! The use of physical punishment to discipline children is already illegal in Austria, Finland, Germany and Sweden. this is insane to me whatever happened to them being our children? can mothers not just raise THEIR kids anymore?

I remember once when i was young my mom threatened to spank me, i told her do it ill cop the cops. she smacked the taste out of my mouth then replied with "do it they will take you away and you"ll have to go live with a new family." i thought about this and decided not to respond, not because i was scared to get hit again, but because i loved my mom and never wanted to be taken away!

Back to my point. my son is two, hes a boy, and hes very testy. i threaten way more then i should, but he gets a warning first. timeout second, and if no cooperation its a spanking. children at a young age don't remember a ton, but if your 1 year old is running to a street despite how many warnings you gave him which is he going to remember more? time out or a good smack on the hand or butt? 

i was spanked, most people i know were, and i promise none of us are scared for life. i do agree time out in some cases a better option, but for some cases especially in younger children ill have to disagree. so parents young and old they are your children, and just because you don't have a doctorates degree doesn't make your parenting wrong. I'm also all for positive and negative reinforcements, they sometimes work better then both. however that's for another post.

thanks for reading, sorry if any were offended just saying not all feel the same way :-) 

Monday, May 6, 2013

Tantrums in public

Okay so I've gotten a couple negative comments on the blog i made previous. Not on here, but on Facebook. This was me referring to if a child in public was throwing a fit to ignore it. So many disagreed with this, they say it teaches children they can act up and get away with it. I love any kind of feedback, but let me go further into this. My son is 2, and oh do we have some awesome terrible 2s going on! When a child is throwing a fit in the middle of a convience store, why do you think they are? More then likely he wanted something i wouldn't let him have or do. So when he is throwing said fit i have about 4 options. A. Give him what he wants so hell stop screaming, B. Spank him and scream and have people give me that look "oh what a horrible mean mother" and risk getting dfcs called, C talk calmly ask him very nicely to stop( anyone with a 2 year old knows how well this works), or D. Let his little butt lay on the nasty floor and have it out while i continue my shopping trip. I choose D. See I've learned children always seek attention, even if they get every second of your day. My child is pretty well behaved, but lets be real he's 2! This fit barely lasts a minute and I'm always watching every move he makes, he just doesn't know it. Yeah people always hate "that child", but i feel every other option gives in to at some way what he wants, the object, the attention, or even to scream more. He thinks I'm not looking at him or that I'm leaving him he stops. We always talk about it afterwards, and i explain him acting like that is not OK. For a 2 year old he understands alot, and this is because i do not talk to him like a baby, but like a little person. I however would never do this in a crowded environment because that is dangerous. As long as your aware of your surroundings and you don't get kicked out its fine. In crowded environments i remove us from the situation until he's calm and we continue if the fit however continues we leave. Like I've said before this is my view. Im not telling your wrong if you disagree with me, I'm just simply disagreeing with you also. Your kid your rules. :-) thanks for reading!


Welcome to my blog, here's a little more about me.... My name is jessie, i became a mother at the crucial age of 18, and i'm still with the father. I've been with his father on and off for going on 6 years! He's still the love of my life, and even though we don't get along most of the time i couldn't pick a better father or s/o for me or my son. My son, weighed in at 9 lb 10 oz on feb 2nd at 542 pm. Big healthy blue eyed blond haired beauty! Being a mom at a young age is hard! I'm still growing up myself! I am currently 21 and my son is 2. Does that mean i love my son less then mothers that waited to have their kids later in life? Or that my son is less taken care of? Or that he doesn't have nice stuff? Or even i forget to feed him? The answer is no to all of those. Today's society gives teen moms a bad rap. Yes it is fairly common now more then ever, and we need to make sure these young adults are properly sexually educated. However, some of us are good mothers despite what most think.They show the bad cases, the ones that throw their kids in dumpsters, keep it a secret and stab them to death, or even the ones that purposely get pregnant to trap their men or to be able to move out of their parents. Don't get me wrong I'm not pro teen pregnancy, I'd tell you all day to wait, to be young when you still have a chance, and to get married first. I still love my child more then anyone could possibly understand, the child's spoiled i work my butt off to make sure he has the nicest materials, and he's 30 pounds. He's very well taken care of i just can admit its hard, at any age! We just have the added bonuses of jobs, finishing school, house work, being a mom, and any extra things we need/want to do. I'm new at this whole blogging thing, but i will try my hardest so work with me. My target audience is teen moms, but anyone is welcome to read and give feedback. They are my targets only to give advice and to reach out. Your not alone, and i understand your struggles! Please give me feedback and make me some requests on what you would like to know from me. Thanks!

Sunday, May 5, 2013

The 10 rules and reminders of being a young mom

To all my fellow young moms here are some lessons/ advice I've learned so far. (mother at 18)

1. Nothing you plan in advance will turn out exactly the way you plan when it deals with children. They run this! Don't be fooled. Live a little spontaneous when need be. It is okay to make schedules and routines, its just not the end of the world if it doesn't go according to plan!

2. People are gonna judge, especially people your age. They will call you a bad mom, a slut, and many more. Let them we made a choice to give up being young and chose to live for our kids the best way we can. They are not mistakes, but blessings so never be ashamed.

3. You still have every right to go out and be young every once in awhile. A break from going insane and our children deserve a break as well! Just don't make it too regular as your child deserves your time as well.

4. Patience is a virtue! This crazy saying is true. All though i feel you never quite gain any, you must learn how to handle things differently then screaming at your child. Your kid is throwing a fit in the middle of a store, but not harming their self? Let them ignore them and continue your trip, but always keep 1 eye on them. They refuse to eat anything other then chicken? Let them more then likely its just a phase and they'll get sick of it. A child under 2 will always test your patience its important to always remember to choose your battles. Not everything is life and death. Find an ant I stress or that works for you walks, video games, yoga, bathes, Mani/pedis, even work!

5. As new moms with newborns don't stress over everything. I will make mistakes and you will cry and cry, but the thing is they will NOT remember it. You will get frustrated heck your sleep deprived! Take a couple min to yourself and its okay to let your baby cry as long as they are not in harm. Walk outside and scream like a maniac haha your neighbors will think your crazy, but hey you'll feel better.

6. Guess what girlies? Its not about you, your boyfriends, fiances, husbands, or baby daddies anymore. Its about your baby and their needs. Fighting all the time just stresses everyone out. So don't worry about every little thing your s/o does or doesn't do. Just be the best mom YOU can be, they don't want to be apart of it their loss. Also if your not with them and they do want to be apart of your baby's life let them. Nobody will replace their daddies let them choose at a right age if they don't want to see him.

7. Don't waste time. I understand as parents we must work, go to school, and still do chores. Your child is only young once and some things can wait! Make special times in between just to spend time with them, take them to a park, outside, watch a movie, or even just sit down and color. Put your phone on silent and enjoy your child! They will always feel loved and put first, because they are the MOST important people in your lives!

8. Yes you are going to lose a lot of friends. Some you've had for years and have always had your back. They will not understand until they've had kids of their own. Its okay let them go, and do not blame them. Your life is completely different and it is not fair to hold them back, it wasn't their choice only yours. Surround yourself with fellow young moms with kids. They are the best for advice and to even to complain/ rant to, plus its great to socialize your kids as early as possible! Your child is and always will be your best friend and that's more then you'll ever need!

9. It is okay to ask for help! It takes a village to raise a child no matter what age. However, your parents more then likely raised their kids, nor did they ask you to have 1. So on that note don't dump your kid on Them every second of every day. Ask them to watch them when you only have to. My mom is my best friend and i go to her for every piece of advice. Her and my son have the best relationship, and he goes and stays with her once a week so i can have a little time to do the things i need/ want to. Don't abuse them, but most parents are always there to help when needed. Also make sure to ask your doctors lots of questions. Write down everything you'd like to know and at checkups ask them, its what their for. Also listen to others advice, but you can always tell people to back off as well. They are your kids and only you know whats best for them.

10. Last but not least LOVE YOUR CHILD, and make sure they feel it! Be crazy and silly with them. Tell them every chance you get no matter how old they get. Hug them and kiss them, there is never too much loving. Get on the floor and play with them, and tickle them till they cry! crawl in their tiny bed (as long as it will hold you) and read to them, snuggle with them, and every once in awhile let them fall asleep in your bed watching their favorite movie. A child's smile, laugh is the best thing in the whole world! Make sure they do this often! Love is the only way to ensure your child will grow up with some humanity.

Thanks for reading, and i hope I've given some good advice. I've learned only through my son and he still teaches me something new about life and myself daily. If you read this and disagree with me I'm sorry, but more then likely your not a young mom so you just don't get it, or maybe I'm wrong. Don't live your life by guidelines do your own thing it worked for me :-)
       -Jessica ocker age 21, son Peyton austin age 28 months (2)